I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
