Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
home. puking in laundry basket.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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