When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
