just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
