Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
