just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
