Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
