He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
