Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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