Don't you send me to vm
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
