I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
