does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
