Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
