I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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