Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
