I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
