And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
