I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
