I didn't shave. On purpose
I think I am morally bankrupt
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
