Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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