So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
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