I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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