tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
