There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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