You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
