This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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