She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize