doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
