and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
