how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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