the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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