guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hippo gnu deer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
