i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You've changed since you got that strap on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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