just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
