a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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