Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize