4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
