ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
