i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
