yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
