Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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