i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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