Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
