i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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