do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
