I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
