Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
