I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
