Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
