1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
