Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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