my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
