Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
