i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize