I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
