The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
