next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
