I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
