That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
