people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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