I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
