I cockslap morals
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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