If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize