do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
