Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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