just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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