I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
