the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
