Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
