I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
