Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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