u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
