I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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