To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
