I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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