As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
