party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
