how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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